Gothic touches

My face is like bish whet

So as soon as I posted last week talking about autumns late arrival like oh my gosh the next I was walking around with a coat on. Honestly I can’t say I’m upset about it all but hey man what a change. So this piece right, I found it at work well I say I found it but technically I saw it on display and thought hey I want one; so yeah long story short they brought them back and obviously I had to get one. Everyone grabbed one. IT’S JUST SO NICE! As you can see it’s not as fitted as a lot of my other pieces but it does fit quite well, it’s a really nice thick texture that does hug the body but not like a typical body-con piece would. As soon as I saw it I thought of how good it would look with some thigh high boots but seeing as I haven’t found a pair just yet I thought I would pair them with my heeled ankle boots to bring the whole outfit together. 

Chunky necklace for the high neckline and you know how I love my hats so I thought why not; I was feeling so gothic today as you can see black lipstick and all but yeah lool threw my duster coat on to look a bit more put together and yeah.

 Hope you likely

.xo

Jumper dress - Dorothy Perkins

Boots - Dorothy Perkins

My go to Tights - Primark

Hat - H&M

Necklace - Ebay

Photo cred: My babes Sarah the lighting sucked but she made it work :)

What is the meaning of this

ˈbɔɪfrɛndnoun1.    a person's regular male companion with whom they have a romantic or sexual relationship.

This post isn’t really telling you to go and call the next dude your boyfriend, I’m literally just trying to re-introduce what the word actually means, seeing as it has a whole other description these days.

I love when a casual conversation sparks inspiration for a new post, my friend Yinka asked the simple question of ‘What is a boyfriend?’ Here's us thinking we had a solid answer, then we realised finding a mutual definition was harder than we thought.

One thing was evident the word has clearly been warped. We’re at a time where the title has come with so many other connotations that it's easy to see why there’s so much confusion surrounding this one word. We’ve all heard about the idea of situationships, the idea that as a generation we have forgotten how to date. So yeah back to the talk. The first thing that came to mind for me was a boyfriend is someone that you bond with, a person you share a part of you with and obviously someone who you are romantically involved with. So maybe I didn’t use the word romantic but you get the general idea. It’s like we all had individual words and terms that we associated with the idea of a boyfriend. When you get into it though, like proper into it, some of you will realise you actually have a boyfriend (with or without the title).

One word that stuck out to me from the definition was the word regular.  As in that guy that took you out for a date or two is not your boyfriend, and if you’re just sexually involved well doesn’t always qualify either. Even combined it doesn’t make them your boyfriend but essentially, according to the definition, it's having that one individual that remains the constant ‘one’ that essentially makes them 'man'; It’s actually quite simple, but would we classify the word as more of a term than a title?

These days’ guys aren’t too keen to accept the title of boyfriend, whereas girls will play the role of a girlfriend but wont be given the ‘title’ either and that’s where it all gets a bit complicated. It can be vice versa but that’s usually how it goes. If you think back to my previous post, assuming you are more or even less that what you are can be an issue. It’s too easy to go above and beyond for someone and give him or her more than they deserve in the bid to acquire a title or more. I mean no one wants to be in a situation where they dread having to introduce someone or be introduced. The awkwardness of being called a girlfriend/boyfriend, knowing that you aren’t. Like no pressure and all but it all gets a bit iffy when you start thinking why can’t I call them my boyfriend or girlfriend anyway.

And we go full circle, back to thinking again, what is a boyfriend? By definition it’s the guy you regularly see, spend time with, have a friendship with (as a foundation) and are romantically involved with. In simpler terms, it’s probably the guy you think about reading this.

Girls can be just as bad as guys on this one but there's only so much I can say for them. Agree or disagree the true definition doesn't change.

Dusting off autumn

Yaaaas. Well not really because I still don’t feel like it’s autumn let alone winter and I’m just here like I’m ready to layer! Anyway one piece that I’ve managed to ‘debut’ is my duster coat. It’s such a lovely piece to have for someone like me because its quite light but adds that element of autumn readiness. So basically I get to layer without it being to heavy/warm.

Keeping it simple I wore my boyfriend t-shirt tied up sort of like a make shift crop top– it’s been one of my like go to looks and can pretty much be done with any top. I’ve had a random preference for crew necks recently too but yeah. And my joni jeans in this acid grey help keep the outfit monotone but not too dark.

Boots in this season you can’t go wrong, I love my Chelsea ones and honestly they go with everything so no problems there.

Hope you likey .xo

Duster – Topshop

Jeans – Topshop

T-shirt – Primark

Boots – Dorothy Perkins
Rings – H&M

Refreshing the freshers

Before I even go into it FRESHERS don't stay indoors. Mix mingle and MILK fresher’s week honestly you’ll regret it if you don’t.

So yeah, about a year ago I wrote a blog post for another blog (link down below) in relation to starting uni; now a year on and seriously although everything I said then is applicable, there are some things that I’ve learnt over time.  Like knowledge is power and some things people leave you to find out for yourself.

So obviously I’m here you know sharing and caring and all that and giving you some tips to exploit the whole experience. 

A lot of the time so people come to uni for the first time knowing one or two people or even a group of people already. That’s all well and good when it comes to knowing where things are around town etc., but here’s the crux. These individuals have been there and done that. They know what venues to go to, they know the best places to shop; they are aware of the best deals and have what seems to be a solid social group. How do they know all of this? Experience.

Be weary of who you associate yourself with; this is something that carries in all environments and situations. When you are new to a particular setting and are already associated with an individual or group of individuals it’s easy for others to assume you’re a particular way because of the similarities that would have bought you and your ‘introducer’ together. Basically for you to be friends (and that’s used loosely) there must be some similarity between you. You have no clue what this person’s reputation is around uni, so yeah you get the perks but is it worth the possible scenario of you being judged before you’re even known?

In the same way don’t restrict your potential friendship/social group by sticking to the same people. What a hypocrite I would be to say you shouldn’t have close friends like I’ve got mine and having genuine friends goes a long way. At the same time though branch out. All those networking events thy tried to force you to go to back in college/sixth form, uni is practically like that daily, most times we don’t see it that way because it isn’t usually forced and so obviously we just see everyone for what they appear to be without realising, the same guy that bumped into you by accident could be your prospective business partner in the future.

We hear it all the time, be nice to everyone because of what the future could bring. Seriously though don’t cut ties! I know for a fact you cant and wont like everyone you come across and some people may not like you but if you can maintain a civil relationship at least. It goes a long way when you realise James from the engineering block has links at a firm you’re looking to intern at. This isn’t using people, each and every person could refuse to help as they are free to do, but ultimately you just never know who is who. Don’t actively see or seek someone for what use they may be for you, but for those you are connected with stay connected and mutual.

Uni is enjoyable I cannot lie, it’s one of the best experiences and I’m not even done yet. Carry yourself well, mix and mingle, don’t force it but be active about it. Within that first month you’ll link with people easier than any other time. So obviously be smart about it and obviously have fun with it too. Try to be remembered for something good too, A LOT can happen in fresher’s week.

Tolerance

No one is perfect, and everyone has his or her flaws. So as individuals how do we gauge what we should tolerate? When does it pass tolerating and become us settling. When we know someone’s worth we understand how much we can tolerate from that person and vice versa. But can we really turn some red flags white.

It seems that the mentality of being able to change a person is slowly fading. We understand that instead of changing someone we adapt and tolerate. With that being said does he or she have habits that can't be over looked? I’m the type of person that thinks, if it bothers me in the beginning it can only get worse if not addressed. Now addressing it doesn’t mean you’re trying to change them, you’re allowing them to be aware of the things that they do, that you don’t particularly like or understand. Obviously this has to be done correctly, you can’t go in all guns blazing, they may feel ‘attacked’ or nagged even and to be fair it may just be something they didn’t realise they did.
Everyone has their levels of tolerance, so chances are the person or people before you could tolerate it. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should too, but it should get you thinking how much does it really affect you.

That’s all more suited to personal habits when it comes to habitual actions then it slyly becomes a different ball game. Everyone has their breaking point, so when is enough, enough.

It is so easy to be influenced by hearsay, the same people that say you shouldn’t put up with the things your partner or even your friends do, are probably the same people that are likely to go against their own advice when put into that position. Essentially if they have been in that situation before then it makes their advice that much more fitting but not always. Not to say you have to have gone through something to give advice, but if it is the case take it with a pinch of salt and add your own common sense to it. At the end of the day any action you take will be seen as yours, with no credits to whoever influenced you.

You and only you know when you’ve reached your limit and when you’ve had enough, no one should dictate what that limit is. Having an outside view should help keep you grounded, as we all know emotions can jade our judgment, but use your intuition to know when you’ve tolerated enough. Following actions rather than words can help you see this clearer. Words are like future actions, whereas actions good or bad can cement what happens in the present.

Everyone has a worth, but to different people that will vary, what are you tolerating and why? Weigh up your options and if your pros outweigh your cons or vice versa then question, is it worth it to you? Do they know your worth? be clear and true with yourself and see if you're being too lenient or overtly aware of certain traits.

If you feel like you've addressed anything one too many times think about why nothing has changed and adjust your tolerance levels if needed.